expressin’ myself

coffee rises around my brain
trying to fill my days
with productive ways
the past two nights
i couldn’t get enough sleep
thinking of you, of me.
winter blues, gray skies
i want to migrate with
the birds, for warmer times.
full of angst, but inspiration, too
i want to shed all my weight
mental wad
mental garbage
i want to bask in white light.
my time is ticking
and i am full of contradictions
slow down, speed up
it’s fucking exhausting.
i think too much
but is it enough?
i’m hungry for more life,
i can never get it right.

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meditate

he reaches out
and touches my arm
the volume on the television
is far too loud
my fingers continue to thaw
after a brief hike
and my stomach feels full
from frothy, thick cappuccino
i think about plans
but do not want to do anything
i just want to sleep
for the next few days
my energy is artificial
existing from caffeine consumption
so i chug along
with a broken mind
i lost my identity
it has been too long
since i had a grasp
on my being
i realize we are forever
adapting and growing
but i have no ground
no safety
i walk but i feel
nothing
and everything at once
too overwhelmed
what can i do
i try this and that
maybe i belong in a cave
so that i can meditate
and briefly stop
to eat and drink.