cracking

stuck in memories
stuck in pain
nightmares flood
going insane
he comforts me back to sleep
i hold onto slight light
nobody can promise me
that i’ll be alright.

winter’s end seems close
and that’s the hope that i need
to keep getting back up
to stand on my feet
warm words and held hands
his smile thaws my scowl
i hope that i show the person
i know i can be.

my wings spread and i dry
out in the sun
i can’t help but cry
a release, so much tension
juggling too much
i feel like i’m cracking.

Advertisements

Today’s feels.

Puddles of Color

A vivid subconscious, that feels more raw and real than when eyes are opened. Craving to fade into the world that exists, somewhere, it has to. Exhausted all of the time, this reality is hell, society is poison and the world needed can be created on canvas. Star dew and the disappearance of time’s concept. Sunrise, that feeling, for all time aware, too bright to be harmed.

tree woman

the only place i keep finding myself
is inside of myself
but that’s the last place
i feel like being, recently
it’s because of the noise,
it hurts
the sunlight can sometimes
emerge, but only touching
my skin
when it’s deeper that i’ve been
requiring a new dawn
excuses awkwardly stumble
from my lips, change is frightening,
paralyzing my being
i crave to dance, to jump, to move
but am a heavy concrete statue
he sits beside me, his frantic
energy hurts
causing me to sink in deeper
but i know he tries and does
make me feel better
just knowing he is committed to my life, i am fortunate
a little white dog always by my side
i am a fortunate woman
broken, but alright
learning to release a victim mentality that i never admitted or recognized until helping hands reached down and picked me up
sorting out my mental garbage, singularly treasure
because this is me, i can shed so much
i wish to be a light walking, peaceful minded, tree woman. that’s me.

Home

I hope that people choose to be kind over intentionally hurting others.
I believe that life can be so difficult at times. So, sometimes we all need a little lift, a hug, or just someone to listen. Life can be so beautiful, and is if we feel grounded. Why not love one another instead of continuing to fuel the war that seperates us? I’m not perfect, but I care with my whole heart. I wish that this world could feel like home to us all.

never

dear friend,

what should you do when you feel nothing,
when all of your passions have gone?
when you can hear nature’s voice
through your open windows
and you know this should bring your
heart warmth,
but it fails to.

too young to stop and too old
to forget my past.

i feel selfish because i talk
so much about the pain that
has injected itself into my
bloodstream.
but i can’t feel much more
than this punishing weight,
it consumes my being.
i start blaming my family,
the ones i spent so much time with,
why didn’t they provide more or
care more?
so i sit here, feeling guilty because
i feel as though i’m wasting my gift.
not appreciating enough.

and i’ve realized it’s the
depression in me that forces me
to reach for and hold the world’s struggles.
one thing i know is when i see another who is suffering, i help with all of my being, because i know what it feels like to be so broken and to feel so alone.

thank you for always listening,
for carrying pieces of this weight
that hurt to call my own.
i would accept this as me, but i hope
to feel the sunlight again.
in moderation, at least.
i am on the dark end of the spectrum much too often.
my bones are becoming brittle.
i feel as though i’ve trained my mouth to consistently frown.

dream big, my dear.
all hope is never lost.