nothing

I remember rubbing the sheet’s fabric
softly between my fingers
soothing myself, distracting myself
from something I have yet
to fully comprehend

when I walked out from the bathroom
I saw him
and I knew right away
that he was my father
tall and faceless

a powerful nothing
his tears fell and slapped the floor
but my emotions never stirred
his mind danced around me
but I could not be

I write it away
I paint it away
nothing will hurt me because
I know how to find a better way
healing constantly, I am light’s heat

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human, too

writing to feel better
writing to rid of her presence
writing to shed the weight that I feel
inside of my body and
all around me
writing so that I can breathe again
and so I can feel the temperature of the air
because right now I am
caving into my stomach acid
as it spills throughout my body
she cries out suicide
but she does not try to make any changes
to feel better, what does she want from me
I am human too
suffering too
depressed and anxious too
I cannot save her, nor live for her
she expects too much from me
I am not her mother
I am her sister, her friend
but she has torn away
too much of me
leaving nothing for me
so I attempt to heal
when she walks away through the door
trying to catch my breath
does she remember that I am struggling too
or does she fail to care
that I am human
too

One more time

Fighting to breathe
Life has become my enemy
Wishing not to wake
Crying out in pain
Talking, but no use
Nobody understands
I am lost
Lost
Walking into walls
Getting nowhere
Never getting up
Again
Fallen
My fingers flick
My eyes are glazed
But my heart beats
So I eat and I breathe
I get up again
One more try
One more time